move like a ghost

Last Saturday, I missed the bagua class because I have pink eye or conjunctivitis. The doctor said it is contagious. I have Vigamox eyedrops for my eye, and Ketek for my cold. She said this pink eye usually lasts for 5-7 days. Today is the 7th day. Initially, my pink eye was on my left eye. Three days ago, both eyes were clear, so I stopped taking my medecine. Then two days ago it reappeared on my right eye. Now, it is still on my right eye.

In my case, this proves that taking a martial arts class does not make myself immune to sickness. But I have noticed that I get sick less in a year, and when I get sick I get well a little faster. But this nasty pink eye has been with me for its full term.

A couple of Saturdays ago, Teacher commented about circlewalking. Here's what I got from his lecture: When stepping, once the front foot is on the ground and in place, the back foot should rise accordingly, with no dragging action. The whole stepping process should be fast and clean. Also, maintain balance while walking, and try not to go up or down. Also, sink in, which means while walking or standing, the knees should be bent. It's okay to circlewalk without sinking in, but that's like an old man's way, and I don't think anything deep can be gained from practicing like that. Teacher said that when you move like a ghost, then you might have something.

excuses

Last Saturday, it was cold outside. Must have been around 30-40F during class. Part of my tooth broke during our yearly thanksgiving dinner. Must be while I was eating the turkey meat. Everytime I drink now it hurts on the right side of my mouth. And I'm not going to see the dentist until Friday. It was inevitable, the crack was already there months ago, and I kept eating hard food, such as cashew nuts. So I have to blame nobody but myself. Then I had this stiff neck that bothered me almost the whole of last week. It hurt everytime I tried to turn my head on the right.

So the combination of cold weather, broken tooth and stiff neck made me feel like not going to class. But I went anyway. And I'm now glad that I did. After class, I didn't seem to mind the cold weather anymore, I stopped worrying about my tooth, and my stiff neck problem disappeared.

At the end of the class, Teacher was hungry, so we went out to eat for lunch at The Office. And we all ate a lot! Teacher said that if our workout was even better we would have been able to finish two-plateful. What kind of work out is that? I'm not sure I'm ready for that. Or maybe I am.

Going back to all my excuses from practicing. I think everything is all about perspective. It seems that even perspective itself needs to be trained. Bottom line is, it's easy to give up. What's the fun of giving up? Of course, there are times when you really have to give up. You don't want to get sick, of course. If you get sick then that means you have reached your limit. It seems that the saying "What does not kill you makes you stronger" is really true. Of course what my limit is not the same as your limit. So Teacher judges my limit, and when he's not around, I do it myself.

The body it seems is limited, but the mind is not. Skill is limited. Creativity is limitless. The mind leads and the body will follow. But what happens in times when you practice with "no mind"? Does that mean that the body leads, and the mind follows? Does that mean that creativity is "no mind"? The mind still seems to be there, but relaxed.

I found this somewhere online.

A Student's Excuses For Not Practicing

In the Spring it is too nice out.
In the Summer it is too hot.
In the Fall it is too pretty.
In the Winter it is too cold.

Also, here's an excerpt from Chuang-tzu's Preservation of Life:

Prince Huei's cook was cutting up a bullock. Every blow of his hand, every heave of his shoulders, every tread of his foot, every thrust of his knee, every whshh of rent flesh, every chhk of the chopper, was in perfect rhythm, --like the dance of the Mulberry Grove, like the harmonious chords of Ching Shou.

"Well done!" cried the Prince. "Yours is skill indeed!"

"Sire," replied the cook laying down his chopper, "I have always devoted myself to Tao, which is higher than mere skill. When I first began to cut up bullocks, I saw before me whole bullocks. After three years' practice, I saw no more whole animals. And now I work with my mind and not with my eye. My mind works along without the control of the senses. Falling back upon eternal principles, I glide through such great joints or cavities as there may be, according to the natural constitution of the animal. I do not even touch the convolutions of muscle and tendon, still less attempt to cut through large bones.

"A good cook changes his chopper once a year, -- because he cuts. An ordinary cook, one a month, -- because he hacks. But I have had this chopper nineteen years, and although I have cut up many thousand bullocks, its edge is as if fresh from the whetstone. For at the joints there are always interstices, and the edge of a chopper being without thickness, it remains only to insert that which is without thickness into such an interstice. Indeed there is plenty of room for the blade to move about. It is thus that I have kept my chopper for nineteen years as though fresh from the whetstone.

"Nevertheless, when I come upon a knotty part which is difficult to tackle, I am all caution. Fixing my eye on it, I stay my hand, and gently apply my blade, until with a hwah the part yields like earth crumbling to the ground. Then I take out my chopper and stand up, and look around, and pause with an air of triumph. Then wiping my chopper, I put it carefully away."

"Bravo!" cried the Prince. "From the words of this cook I have learned how to take care of my life."

a guide to understanding things

Open, mindful and aware
In rest and in motion
Every action and reaction
In all directions

maintain your center

I haven't been doing much practice lately. Maybe because of the change of weather? Maybe because I've been busy with my daughter? Maybe because of school assignments? Maybe because of work? Or maybe it's the combination of everything? I think I'm just getting lazy. Maybe because I'm getting old?

Teacher said, "Once the structure in place, try to maintain your center when going from point A to point B. In circlewalking, try not to wobble too much."

This seems to apply to life in general.

baji retreat

This past weekend, we had a great retreat at Jenny Jump State Park, in Hope, NJ. We stayed in a shelter for the whole weekend. The shelter was mostly made of wood, with glass windows and a door. It had two double-deck bunk beds, a small stove/furnace, a couple of tables and benches. Public restrooms and showers were available. I was very excited to see a black bear, but my closest encounter with one was that video the kindly office lady showed me.

The form we learned for the weekend retreat was Baji. Actually, this was a refresher and continuation course from our last fall 2004 retreat. Here's my own notes of the form:

1. ready
Standing position. Elbows outward. Fists on dan-tien. Face forward. Shoulders relaxed.

2. pull down & sink
Hands extended grabbing. Feet together. Face forward.

3. kick left
Hands extended grabbing. Left leg up and straight. Toes in. Face forward.

4. kick right
Hands extended grabbing. Right leg up and straight. Toes in. Face forward.

5. rise
Right arm more extended than left arm. Raise right foot. Face forward.

6. sit & elbow
Horse stance. Left fist on dan-tien. Right fist on cheek. Right palm facing up. Face right elbow.

7. chop & punch
Horse stance. Face forward. Chop with right hand. Punch with left hand. Arms bow and arrow. Legs bow and arrow. Face left.

8. rotate
Rotate left 135 degrees. Both feet leave the ground. Left arm extend forward and up. Right arm extend forward and down. Legs on horse stance. Face forward.

9. shift
Rotate right 90 degrees. Right leg empty. Stand on left leg, slightly bent. Right hand next to right waist. Left hand in front of right hand. Palms facing down and open. Face forward.

10. hop
Step with right foot. Slide with both feet. Left hand on right side. Right hand lifting. Palms open. Rotate left 90 degrees. Face right 45 degrees.

11. eagle
Left hand palm grasping. Right hand lifting from step 10. Right palm open. Left foot raised and back of right knee. Face left.

12. pull down
Horse stance. Right hand inside right thigh. Left hand blocking right cheek. Face right.

13. reach
Reach with left arm to right side. Right arm on right side. Face forward.

14. punch
Tip toes. Right arm punch low. Horse stance. Left fist on dan-tien. Face right.

15. block
Rotate right 90 degrees. Right leg empty. Stand on left leg, slightly bent. Right arm blocking. Left arm on right side of stomach. Face forward.

16. sit & elbow
Horse stance. Left fist on dan-tien. Right fist on cheek. Right palm facing up. Face right elbow.

17. wave
Raise both hands up with body. Tip toes. Bring both hands to chest. S-body movement. Both fists punch front and low. Face forward and down.

18. rotate
Left hand holds right wrist. Rotate 225 degrees to the right. Stomp right foot. Slide to left. Left arm goes up. Right arm on dan-tien. Face left.

look into yourself

We started reading about Mencius, an innatist Confucian philosopher. His book seems to be better in explaining things compared to Confucius' Analects book. Here's one of the great passages from the book:

BOOK IV, PART A

4. Mencius said, 'If others do not respond to your love with love, look into your own benevolence; if others fail to respond to your attempts to govern them with order, look into your own wisdom; if others do not return your courtesy, look into your own respect. In other words, look into yourself whenever you fail to achieve your purpose. When you are correct in your person, the Empire will turn to you. The Odes say,

Long may he be worthy of Heaven's Mandate,
And find himself much good fortune.

stomach virus

I missed last Saturday's class due to stomach virus. I just stayed home the whole day. I tried doing warmup exercises in the morning but my whole body was sore and aching. My stomach area was extra sore. I tried to be active the whole day but when I move I feel a lot of pain. It was better not to move at all. I also had no appetite. I felt like vomiting the whole day. It felt like my stomach stopped working. Normally, my stomach would growl once in a while, but Saturday it hardly made a sound, and was slowly ballooning. Drinking hot black tea helped a lot. By night time, I started feeling very chilly, and my fingers and toes were tingly. My whole body just wanted to curl up and sleep. And that's what I exactly did.

Sunday morning, my wife woke me up and asked me if I still wanted to go see the Dalai Lama at Rutgers, New Brunswick. I felt better, but I was not fully recovered, so I declined and stayed in bed. So she went with her friend, instead. But the most amazing thing was that almost all of the symptoms of the stomach virus were gone, like a passing storm. Sleep is a very powerful natural medicine.

good workout

Sometimes, after practice I have this weird feeling that I could do almost anything. As an example, if I saw a heavy object , like a car, I feel like I could pick up and overturn it. Somehow, my perception of a "heavy car" goes away. Also the size of an object, like an SUV, seems to shrink a little when I look at it.

Last Saturday, this feeling of being "strong" happened again after our Pao Chui session. I felt like I could make a hole if I punch this wall near our training area.

So I asked Teacher about this weird feeling. He said it means that I've had a good workout. Then he smiled and went to see another student.

analects

I'm taking this class, Chinese Religion. One of the required books to read is Confucius Analects. Here's one of its many interesting passages:

14.5 Nangong Kuo said to Confucius, “Yi was a skillful archer, and Ao was a powerful naval commander, and yet neither of them met a natural death. Yu and Hou Ji, on the other hand, did nothing but personally tend to the land, and yet they both ended up with possession of the world."

The Master did not answer.

After Nangong Kuo left, the Master sighed, “ What a gentlemanly person that man is! How he reveres Virtue!”

trees and vines

Two Saturdays ago, Teacher assigned individual assignments. The assignment consists of a group of movements taken from the Pao Chui form. More or less, each person has a different assignment.

Last Saturday, I showed Teacher my understanding of my assignment. Teacher then corrected me by showing me with his hands the wringing action applied to an object, like a piece of cloth. He also showed me that its action is one direction, not bent all over. He said to relax the shoulders. He showed me that the whole movement must be synchronized, not broken into pieces. Then off he went to see another student.

So I reflected on what Teacher said. After minutes of working out, I somehow started thinking about vines, and how they spiral during growth. I then started thinking about trees, and how the branches extend from the trunk. Then the life cycle of trees. Then the soft sprouts and the hard bark. The leaves facing the sun. The roots extending deep and across the ground. And so on.

Then I executed the whole Pao Chui form again, with the trees and vines in mind. And I felt a difference.

bricks

Yesterday, I ran for 1.2 miles. My left and right upper back hurt afterwards, with very minor intensity, but it was annoying enough. My back pain persisted throughout the day. I kept on massaging my back and relaxing my shoulders whenever I felt the pain. This morning when I woke up, the pain was all gone.

Monday, I tried circlewalking on bricks. I have these extra 5x12 bricks in the backyard. I laid eight of them on the ground, in a circular formation. I was extra careful since I’ve never done this with circlewalking before and I don’t want to get injured. The whole experience was very different compared to walking on flat asphalt ground. More concentration and awareness are needed on the bricks. I did the internal palms in a very, very, very slow pace. I felt like a baby trying to walk the first time again. I was sweating a lot in the end.

Last Saturday, everyone was surprised with my new haircut that most people never recognized me. Two Mondays ago, I had my hair cut very short. Before that, it used to be shoulder length. I maintained my long hair for more than two years. Regarding my practice, my hair never gets to my face anymore and my head feels lighter and cooler. Also, maybe it’s an illusion but I think I can jump higher with my short hair.

I’ve been doing extra horsestances outside the class for about three weeks now. Sometimes after the routine, my right knee feels sore. Massaging and stretching relieves the soreness. I probably still have to work on my right leg alignment.

horse stance

Yin Yuzhang (Yin Fu's 4th son) in a horse stance

Last Saturday, Teacher recommended that I should do more horse stances. He made his first comment when we were doing the hose stances in the Pao Chiu form. He made his second comment when we were doing the two-man form. My 2.4 miles Friday run definitely affected my Saturday practice. I seemed to be weaker. So my goal for this week is more horse stances and no Friday running.

Sunday morning in the backyard, I did 2 sets of horse stances in the Pao Chui form, holding each stance for 1 minute. Then I did the whole 64 form without pausing. I felt the usual strain in the thigh and calf muscles. My whole legs were burning and shaking. In the end, my whole shirt was soaking wet. The neighbors were probably wondering what I was doing.

Here's He Jinghan's article on horse stance.

Last Saturday, one of my brothers mentioned about noticing the form creeping into his daily life. He said he went to pick something up from the floor and noticed that he was doing a horse stance. I also have similar experiences. Just as simple as opening a door, for example. I grip the handle of the door, I open the door towards me and I end up with the reverse bow and arrow stance. And if the door opens away from me, I end up doing the single palm.

Even interacting with people seems to be different nowadays. I seem to be more open and non-judgemental to ideas. I can see the argument of the other side easier. I also see people's postures, their turtle backs and tight shoulders, and how it affects their walking, and their lives. Several months ago, I told my wife that her shoulders were too high all the time. She told me yesterday that she did not notice it until she saw herself in a mirror the other day while pushing the baby stroller.

Teacher said that "Bagua is about change. We don't change for the worst. We change for the better."

clouds in the sky

The other night, my daughter discovered my race bike. When left standing by the wall, it's not the most stable thing in the world. That's because I took out the stand to be more lightweight. And, of course, it looks cooler without it. So after turning the bike upside-down for Isa's safety, she started playing with the wheels. Then she started playing with the pedals. Then she saw me press one of the brake handles to stop the rear wheel, so she started playing with that, too.

That got me thinking about the level of my practice compared to Teacher's. I'm still a baby trying to circlewalk the right way. My legs are still unstable. Teacher once said to be “steady like the clouds in the sky when circlewalking.” Whenever I do the horse stance, even though I can go lower now, my legs still wobble.

Like my daughter playing with my bike, I still have a long way to go.

everything in agreement

I ran for 1.2 miles this morning. Maris and Isa were with me, too. Maris took care of Isa. She ran/walked while Isa was on the stroller. It was a short run but I got to hang out with my family, which is more important. So I still have plenty of energy in my reserve. As I am typing this journal right now, I can still feel the tingling sensation in my legs from this morning's run.

The truth is a part of me did not want to run today. I woke up right before 8 am. Isa woke up right after I got out of the main bedroom, which was a little after 8. Then we greeted Maris as she was trying to get in the front door. So how did I end up running? Somehow there was a general election that happened in me, and the winning party was the Run-You-Lazy-Bum Party.

Now, I have a little bit of runny nose. I probably forced myself too much. My Anti-Run body cells are massively protesting in my nasal area. I hope I don't get sick as a result of this. I remember Teacher has this notion of not forcing things. We must always make sure that everything is in agreement before commiting. The same princliple is applied in circlewalking. The left foot needs to be planted first before the right foot can leave the ground, and vice-versa. Otherwise, the whole body becomes unstable.

I still have to learn how to listen to my body. Sometimes my mind forces my body the wrong way that I end up getting sick. Nowadays, I kind of know my limits, but sometimes I'm too stubborn and I stop listening, which is really bad.

jogging

I jogged yesterday 8 am for 30 minutes, and covered 2.4 miles. I walked the last quarter mile. My lungs were okay after the run. My legs got tired first. It was also hot and humid outside. I mostly went under the tree shades whenever I could find one.

I started jogging again last week to prepare for my company's 5K run. JPMorganChase sponsored it, which is located in Morristown, NJ. I finished the race with run time of 43:13 minutes. Not bad for a 34 year old guy who trained 2 days before the race. Nevertheless, I finished without injuries. That's the most important thing.

Jogging seems to help strengthen my legs. Last Saturday, I've noticed that my horse stance was better. So I'll try jogging twice a week, whenever I can. We'll see later what happens in the long run.

So far I have observed that the more time and effort I devote into my practice, the more life's mysteries start to unfold. Rewards then appear, but I try not dwell on them. This reminds me of the book, Tao Te Ching.

-1-
The Tao that can be spoken of is not the eternal Tao.
The name that can be named is not the eternal name.
The nameless is the beginning of heaven and earth.
The named is the mother of the ten thousand things.
Send your desires away and you will see the mystery.
Be filled with desire and you will see only the manifestation.
As these two come forth they differ in name.
Yet at their source they are the same.
This source is called a mystery.
Darkness within darkness, the gateway to all mystery.

feel the mud

Yesterday, we made our own circlewalking circle. We've been doing this exercise for a month now. Before that, we used to circlewalk as a group. Two or three groups, at the most. With a group, you have to match your pace with the other people, and vice-versa. With your own circle there's just yourself to deal with.

So we all started our individual circlewalking. Teacher said to do the internal palms. When it came to do the heart palm, I started feeling that tingling sensation on my forearms. Whenever they're raised, the sensation is there. I've felt this for several years now, but I never bothered to ask Teacher about it. I've always thought my arms were loosing blood circulation. Later on, during one of our group get-together sessions I asked him about it. He said not to dwell on it. The hands will feel hot and the tingling sensation will be there, but do not dwell on them. He said to just keep practicing.

After a few minutes of our individual circlewalking, it's inspection time. First, he went to see my brothers on the right. Then, he went to see me. For some time, he looked at what I was doing. He did not say anything. He then demonstrated how to walk his version. He looked like he was marching and sitting at the same time, with knees raised higher than usual. So I tried his way.

After several tries I felt like I'm walking in liquid. It felt like there's something under my feet, and it's there everytime I raise my knees. Initially, I thought of it like walking on a hump. Thinking more about it now, it's like having two fair sized magnets trying to attach their same poles and feel them repel each other. With my newly modified circlewalking, it felt like there was a repelling force under my feet.

When the class was finished, I asked Teacher about my new experience. At first, he thought I was trying to confuse him. Then I did a few more explanation and clarification. He then said I should feel like I'm walking on mud. Walking on mud. He made this comment several times before but it did not register to me. The feeling itself is like walking on mud. You do not have to pretend that there's a mud. It just comes to you. If you do it right, you will feel the mud.

pain and injuries

"Either move correctly, or don't do it at all" - Mr. Tu

My right knee is bothering me today. It's been bothering me since Saturday. Normally, I get this pinching pain once in a while, and then it goes away. Inside my patella, I think that's where the pain is coming from. It's probably the way I place or rotate my knees during practice. Plus, I've been practicing more outside the class. I did some last Sunday and Monday. I also did some this morning. It seems to feel better today, though, compared to last Monday. I'll just take it easy tomorrow. My right knee definitely needs some rest.

Also, last Saturday, my teacher gave me this belt that he's not using anymore. It's soOoOOo much better than the one I have. This new belt is wider, about 4-5 inches in length. And it's thicker, too. It seems to help my back a lot more. My upper back pain, on the immediate left side of my spine, in the thoracic area, seems to have lessen after using the belt.

how to walk the circle

Imagine a growing tree.
Its leaves and branches swaying with the wind.
Trunk, solid and round.
Roots spread throughout the ground.

Imagine a crane walking in the mud.
The steadiness of its body.
The movement of the knees.
The movement of the feet.

Imagine a baby learning how to walk.
Attention and concentration.
Movement from left foot to right foot.
Shifting the weight.

Imagine a person meditating.
Relaxed breathing and fully aware.
Chin in; back stacked and relaxed.
As if a string is pulling the center of the crown.

Imagine a person sitting without a chair.
Butt is smooth and round, but not sticking out.
Feet are in line with the thighs.
Relaxed from waist up.

introduction

"Think about the principle!" - Mr. Tu

I've been practicing Yin Fu Bagua Quan for two years now. Last May 2005 was the start of my third year training. Even now, I am still learning to circle walk the right way. I don’t know if I’ll ever learn. Eventually, I guess. There are important details I am aware of but do not fully understand: breathing, posture, awareness and stepping, to mention a few. The goal is that all these details should be in harmony. They are all interdependent of each other. All must function as one.